That's on all my latest posts, many of the most popular ones, and I'm gradually going back and adding it to all earlier posts. Because if I don't make it clear what a reader ought to do and make it easy to do it readers are unlikely to do it by themselves.

It's too much mental footwork, and people -- everybody , just about -- want you to make things easy on them. If I told you, "Hey jump on my newsletter you've just got to head to this other page and fill out ten fields of information," you're going to think, "Nah, that's too much work. If instead I say, "Put your email in RIGHT HERE and click the button and you'll get tons of awesome insights," though, well -- you're a lot more likely to say, "Sure, why not?

Likewise, if you write a message to a girl that's devoid of calls to action -- clear, easy calls to action -- she's not going to know what to do with that message or if those calls are too complicated, she's going to feel unmotivated to comply and unless she's crazy into you, she isn't going to do a thing.

Lily, hey. That sounds like a wild experience you had with the apartment flood. I'm glad MY apartment is high enough in my building I don't have to worry about that! No big plans for the weekend; just hitting the beach on Sunday maybe. What say we head there together? I'll bring some food and we can do a picnic. Which message is more likely to get a useful response, that moves the interaction forward? That's right; Message 2 is vastly more likely both to get a response, and to get a useful response.

That's because it includes a clear call to action and it makes it a LOT easier for Lily to decide how to respond. The response Ted guides her to responding with is, "Sure, the beach sounds fun! What time do you want to meet? In Message 1 there's no clear way for Lily to easily respond back; she'll write a response if she's chasing very hard, but even then it isn't going to be the best kind of response; it'll most likely just awkwardly try to force rapport where no doors had been left open for it by Ted.

You need to make it easy for women and help them think to avoid ending up with message abandonment issues. Those three things will improve your reply rates to the messages you send so much you'll want to shake my hand. Finally, walk a mile in her shoes. This should go without saying, but you'd be surprised how often messages get written without a guy stopping and considering how a girl will receive them.

Still these days I'll be about to hit "Send" on an email or a message I'm sending to someone, and I'll stop, read through the message as someone else, and realize, "Whoa, this is still way too long, I need to cut out some paragraphs," or, "Oh man, I'm just talking about myself here this sounds totally self-absorbed and not like I have any consideration for them at all," and I'll go back and make edits.

Always take the time to imagine how you'd receive a message like the one you're sending if you received it from a stranger. If you'd feel a little annoyed at the length or the tone or you wouldn't know how to respond to it, you have some edits to make. I'll note that while I don't talk about online dating a whole lot on here, I used to do it quite a bit as a supplement to meeting women in the real world. It's useful too for getting good at learning how to write to women and finding out what's effective and what isn't.

I know, it's tempting when you read a great profile or find a girl you're REALLY excited about to write her a novel telling her everything about yourself and relating it back to her -- such a message can even feel like a masterpiece as you put it together -- but take it from me having written many such masterpieces in the past -- yeah, those don't work.

No matter how beautifully constructed such messages may be, no matter how much of a perfect match the two of you really are, a girl's going to see a monster message like that, and instantly click the "back" button. You've also got to help her think and make it intellectually undemanding. Even if she's a Ph. She's going to hit "back" on that one too. And you've got to be thinking about what mindset she's going to be in while reading this.

She's probably reading a ton of messages from men -- it's an online dating website, after all -- and she's hearing a lot of the same thing -- a lot of:. so you know she's getting tired of that. So you also know you've got to be different, intriguing, and light -- she should enjoy getting a message from you. Hey Casey. Welcome to town; hope the locals haven't been too rough on you. It's only bad until you're initiated ;. So, found it cool that you're an artist as well.

Too forward of me to ask what kind of art? Going to rule out stonecutter, since it doesn't look like you have the forearms for it..

The base content -- welcoming her to town because she's new; asking her what kind of art she does -- that's going to be pretty standard; lots of guys will have asked her that. But if you throw in some unique perspectives -- joking that she doesn't look like she'd be a stonecutter, telling her the town's only bad until she gets initiated -- you're a lot more likely to capture her interest and get a reply. Stella, hi. Saw that you classify yourself as a "free spirit," which I'm guessing means you do things like spend afternoons in the sun and trespass on personal property, maybe if you're a free spirit like I'm a free spirit, anyway :D.

Chapel Hill caught my eye -- that's my second favorite part of town. How long've you been there? Maybe I've bumped into you there before or trespassed on your personal property All the same points as the last message, except pay special note to the attainability statement in the first paragraph "if you're a free spirit like I'm a free spirit, anyway :D".

You might not notice that unless you take a moment to walk a mile in her shoes -- but as soon as you do, and you add that statement in there, now suddenly you've transformed an accusation into a neat little "us vs. the world" sort of set up. There's also a "theme" in this message, of trespassing on personal property. It's a little funny the first time, and it's unexpected and a little funny the second time. It ties the message together and makes it stronger, and you've quite possibly created an inside joke all on your own she's likely to write back joking about trespassing on personal property next time if she has a decent sense of humor.

I specify the day instead of the message here because there's a chance you trade 10 short, jokey messages back and forth in a day, or one message a day, and it isn't the message count that matters so much as how comfortable she's gotten with you.

If you wait until day four or later to try to set things up, chances are that attraction's expired to the point that it's too far gone and she'll just be evasive or say "no. Emails tend to look similar to online dating messages, except a little bit meatier and less focused with capturing short attention spans.

If you have a girl's email, chances are you've met in person and exchanged some conversation already at this point. Great meeting you yesterday. Was awesome to both find the book I was looking for and make a cool new friend at the same time. Books and a bonus! How'd that test you had today end up going? Hopefully you aced the hell out of it and were the first one done, and all the other students glared at you in envy as you glided out the door to take the rest of the day off.

Thinking we ought to grab a bite or a drink sometime soon. Let me know if a weeknight or the weekend is better for you, and we'll set the unstoppable gears of planning our liaison in motion.

Note that, again, we keep it relatively short, though not so short as an online dating message since you're already familiar with this girl at this point and she's familiar with you. You help her think -- telling her that you like her, without being overbearing about it; asking her how her test went, and then painting a rosy picture for her so she feels good even if it sucked; and including a call to action at the end.

And finally, we think about it from her perspective -- keeping things both interesting, and upbeat. If she's had a hard day of test taking, offering her an upbeat alternative gives her the chance to escape into your message -- and a date painted as an escape sounds quite inviting too.

Message writing can feel daunting at first, but understand that it's both a skill and an art -- like well nigh everything else. It's something you improve at with time, and it's something that if you remember to apply the fundamental rules of success to it, you'll maximize your chances of doing okay at from the outset.

If you're a message writing novice, I'd suggest setting up some free accounts on online dating sites like PlentyOfFish. com and OKCupid. com and playing around with headline writing headlines are what get women to read your messages and message body writing the body, in conjunction with an engaging or intriguing headline, is what gets you replies.

The lessons you take away from online dating message writing can be readily applied to email writing, texting, even voicemails, phone conversations, and face-to-face interactions. You get pretty rapid feedback -- if women aren't responding, or if they're taking a long time to write back, or if they're writing back but their responses are tepid, you know you've got some revision ahead of you.

And whenever you aren't getting the results you want, take it back to the basics, and ask yourself if you're keeping it short long messages are scary , if you're helping her think is it easy for her to understand you and respond to you?

Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating.

After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends plus plenty of failures along the way , he launched this website.

He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System. SHOW COMMENTS 5 HIDE COMMENTS. It only takes one date to get the girl you want.

Best of all, the date's easy to get abd girls love it. Skip to main content. Keep it short, Help her think, and Walk a mile in her shoes. Talking to Strangers is Different I like to be thorough, and I like to cover all the points. But it's not her. And it's not you, per se -- it's your message. And when you're a stranger, you're neither known nor comfortable.

When it comes to message construction, these are your primary considerations: The more time it takes someone to read your message, the more you're asking her to invest. The more your message makes someone think and rack her brain to respond or figure out what to do next, the more you're asking her to invest.

And if you haven't thoroughly streamlined your message by considering how it's going to affect her, you risk forcing her to invest heavily to overcome prejudices or feelings of offense you've elicited in her by saying something clumsy. What that means for you is this: If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later.

She's just going to move onto the next message and you'll never know what happened. Spelling Out What Makes a Message Work We'll get into some examples in just a minute. First off, length. What's a good length for your first message to a stranger?

She looked at that and said, "Nuh-uh. They just didn't even bother to read them. When it comes to a visual style, The League leans heavily on a black-and-white color scheme, with a mix of photography and some turquoise spot-illustrations.

Inspired by these online dating emails? Design your own email campaigns in our easy-to-use, drag-n-drop editor called BEE. No HTML knowledge is required, plus your emails will always be responsive. Learn more and sign-up for a BEE Pro free trial! Total: 0 - Average: 0. Design Inspiration. Video Tutorials. Home Design Inspiration How Hot Are These Online Dating Emails?

We Looked at OkCupid, Hinge, and The League.

If you want my team to just do your online dating for you, click here. Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps? com , OkCupid , POF , Tinder , or Hinge , sending that first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating. Just follow the expert advice in this short article and watch your inbox fill up with women who are excited to meet you in person!

Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. But the key to having a successful first message, of course, is actually being funny. On Tinder , you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message On a dating site like Match or POF , you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile Women are simply more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves.

It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile. Many online dating sites have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby. On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble , you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out. For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating Read this article. Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious.

Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match , OkCupid or POF. Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number.

The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. Many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix. According to Nielsen , activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm.

On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use. NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. There are a ton of variables involved, like your photos and your online dating profile.

The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. That's crazy - you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game.

Not only do copy and paste messages work , but we get incredible results for our clients with them. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora forum discussion:. Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull, assuming she's on a dating app just to hook up, or sounding just like every other guy who's messaged her that day. You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message.

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Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? We've helped thousands of singles just like you since , and we're ready to make you our next success story! I hope you enjoy reading the blog post. Revealed: The Opening Line No Woman Can Resist! Want us to do your online dating for you? Hey, I'm Ally, VIDA Select's Director of Matchmaking.

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and a lot of: If you like this picture of my dong, there's a LOT more where that came from. Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. First off, length. What do you do for fun? If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later.

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