· The primary reason to keep an online dating profile active is simple: the desire to meet people. Now there could be other reasons. Maybe he just likes having his ego stroked Because there is only two reasons why he is on there. To check for another girl, specifically or to see if she is available yet or has responded to him yet or to meet up with random girls. That's · On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a ... read more
I am about ready to confront him about it when he comes down this weekend. He should not be surprised after all he is the one who said he would delete his. I just reactivated mine. I am waiting to see if he says anything about it. WALK AWAY. Exclusivety if that is a word is what any serious relationship is about. There are somewhere guys who ARE looking for a serious relationship. COME ON GIRLS —-give them short shift if they stay online!!!
Go online yourself then give him the flick!! Met on fitness-singles. Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders.
I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. Clearly hidden. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that?
I know why mine is hidden and active now — checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am?
Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. Thoughts anyone? I really can only guess but I do think hiding the profile is a great first step. so I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. A year into our relationship I found out that the same week he met me he had a one night stand and she became pregnant as the result.
I had a very hard time accepting this and I will admit it took me a long time to get over it. Also in the same month he became a father he took a vacation to Australia for a week to visit a long time female friend, who paid for the trip.
I did not approve of this trip since she had told him in the past that she thought she was in love with him. He explained to me that she was married and had a family and her husband knew that he was coming to visit. So again I had to get over it. About a year and a half onto our relationship I found that he had not signed out of his email so I started reading them. I couldnt believe my eyes!
Messages from all kinds of women. So he took me to pick out a engagement ring and I forgave him. Now were two years into the relationship, I have never received the ring, I think he went and got his deposit back, and today I found him on a dating website.
Hi Brad, I met my boyfriend from Okcupid. He even have dreams and plans for our future. On our first month of our relationship, he introduced me to his family who were took a vacation here in US they from Ireland. Regarding for sex, we usually have sex 3 times a week, thus, this really puzzled me. I also found this out that his lying that he will remove his account the said dating site.
Brad, I need your advice. Vhalotte — I wrote another article that expanded on this topic that you can see here: His Profile is Still Active — Is He Interested or Not? I do think you need to bring this up with him. I have been dating a guy for a year and a half — met through friends. We talked about marriage — we already have kids from prior realationships.
I recently found out hes on a dating website — no pic, not paying account. I know his passwords so when i checked it, i found out that he browes pictures, and emailed 4 woman. He received many emails but he cant open since hes not a paying user. Should I confront him? Is this something men do just in their spare time, browse? Is it cheating? I sent a note to POF to let them know that could cause problems!
See if they fix it…. Another thing to consider — I may be wrong, but Match. com site. com and it does appear that it can show you active just by opening emails from them. However, this only happens if the profile is visible which often is the real problem. Thanks for the clarification about Match. Internet dating certainly does complicate life…. but, I did manage to avoid a lot of heartache thanks to FB and a computer illiterate user.
The REAL story ~ he had jumped into a relationship with me, way too fast, and instead of being honest, he made up this story. has tried singlesnet. Saved me all that misery…… a good thing! I have been dating the same girl for almost 7 months now and her excuse for being online was originally that she wanted to try and get her 6 month guarantee money from Match.
She told me this when were at the 4 month mark of dating. We are both in our 40s so game playing time should have been up long ago. She acted offended that I would confront her about it and said she would take it down. Brads May 13, comments are very pertinent to my situation.
Bottom line is this type of thing goes both ways. WOMEN PLAY GAMES TOO!!! Hi Jay I agree Women Play Games Too…. but we are not seeing a lot of comments from you GUYS on this space. Please Guys write Your Experience on here too, so at least we genuine women will have faith again.. that there are serious guys out there too….. Well I definitely know that this happens to guys too because it is currently happening to me right now. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months now and I know for a fact that his dating profile is still active on the site me met on.
It told me the time that comment was made and it turns out that he made that comment weeks after we had started dating. So I confronted him about it and he got upset that I had been snooping. He said that the only reason he posted that was because the other guy said something nice about one of his pictures.
So after a evening of arguing over the phone I ended up being the one who was apologizing for trying to undermine our relationship with distrust. So I told him I would delete my account so that this whole nightmare would be over….. do you think he had the courtesy to delete his too…..
nope here we are another month later and it still says single and he still logs onto it daily i can see it without having an account. I feel so confused right now and soooooo sick to think what he could be doing all of the time.
We communicate with each other daily over the phone, video chatting, texting….. because we are in a long-distance relationship. He always tells me how much he loves me and our relationship is going so well….
this hurts so bad and I am so afraid to lose him….. but it seems like addressing this issue is the only way to know for sure. I just wish people would think about how much this kind of stuff really hurts the ones they claim to love so much 🙁. Kick these morons — women OR men to the curb. The answer is obvious. He is looking for better options. Serial daters.
READ about this online. GOOGLE narcissistic online daters. These men and women have red flags a flying. If YOU feel their behavior is inherently questionable, trust your instinct. This was supposedly his FIRST online dating venture. BS he has been on every site out there which is fine but to LIE about it along with age and criminal history — lets say I am still paying for who he pretended to be and who he actually IS.
He leaves behind a path of ex gfs and a wife who know they should have trusted what should be obvious: bad behavior is BAD behavior and no smooth talking over and over will change the inherent insanity of his always looking for the golden fleece women.
DO NOT end up giving them the benefit of the doubt — you will lose your self esteem, question the golden rules you knew in kindergarten and everything that should be upright is upside down.
I have been through HELL with this man who is addicted to attention whoring by ANYONE. He treated me like CRAP, lied about his age and his intent. DO NOT listen to what they say — the dichotomy is in their ACTIONS which is what people should be paying attention to. Not the words. I found this out because I snooped. Suspicious activity had to be followed up on.
Anyways, I made a fake profile. send a flirt-mail. Got one back. Sorry to anyone else going through this. My heart goes out to you. I could use a friend right now too. I met my husband married 10 years this summer on match. What are we doing here? Three months in we were engajed, married within a year of meeting and going strong. Those are all EXCUSES. You deserve better.
When a man loves and respects you you know it. Clear the path so a real man can enter your life. You owe it to yourself…and deserve to be happy without constantly having to wonder. No drama. Good luck. Brad, thank you so much for this article and to all who commented. I discovered the man I met and have dated exclusively almost 3 months ago on match. com to have his profile back up about 2 weeks ago.
When I asked him about it, I received all the unoriginal excuses written about here. However, I accepted them since at the time it sounded honest and he was adamant there was only me.
I also chose to forgive and move forward. His profile disappeared within 20 minutes of our discussion. Fast forward to this past weekend. I ended up finding a very active profile on okcupid. His match profile went active shortly thereafter. I set up a fake profile on okcupid where he is looking for everything including casual sex which he has now expressed his interest in. There is no doubt that I am finished with him.
We had explicit conversations about exclusivity and expectations. We agreed if someone wanted to pursue others they should. Just be sure to be honest and cut the other person loose. I know I will never receive a satisfactory answer from him. For the record, within the first 3 dates he told me he took his match profile down, how he was finished with online dating, what terrible luck he had, and how he expected to be stood up by me on the first date. We are both professionals in our late 30s and he has 2 teenage children.
I never in a million years expected to be bamboozled like this. I feel like the ultimate sucker. I thought I had all the right conversations to protect myself. I have been in a relationship off and on for the last year and a half. I made the mistake of hiding it from him and he found out. Last July he admitted to me that he has been monitoring my emails, Facebook, text messages, everything for over a year. He read private conversations between me and my friends and family and got angry that I was talking to other people about our relationship.
After this, I cut off all communication with everyone electronically and focused on him. Well fast forward to Christmas He dumped me on Christmas Day. Please note, I am a single mother and he has gotten very close with my daughter. He basically cut communication with me almost completely. During the week we were broke up I had booked flights to Chicago so my daughter could see her dad. Well after we got back together, I asked him to come with. He declined.
He told me go see your friends, have a good time, make the most of it. also saw another male friend and his fiancÃ©. I also told him that I had posted ads on craigslist looking for a male or female to go out with. He said NOTHING at the time. I met up with one guy for brunch one day, that was it. I call him and he tells me he has plans to hang out with a female friend.
Which he did. We got into an argument the next day because I went out for drinks with these friends of mine. So now, he is seeing other women because I did it in Chicago. I also asked him to take down his Afro romance profile and admitted to him I have his password.
I have been a basket case all weekend and have asked him to come see me and he refuses. Please help. I love him and my daughter loves him. He was monitoring your email for a year? Nearly every man I dated has behaved similarly. My friends check and watch for each other. I am amazed that men are so dumb to think we are not paying attention to this.
However, we need to create a sisterhood of dating codes…. i am in this boat right now. i told him i do not date more than one person at a time because i do not like to and he seemed surprised.
he NEVER told me we were exclusive to be fair to him, he also was with his ex over 10 yrs. i set up a fake online profile as i deleted mine 2. his profile is still up and i fake emailed him and he responded and wanted to meet with the fake girl for lunch or dinner but told the real me he might have to work as he is in law field. once the fake dumped him he said we would have dinner.
if you need more info let me know as well.. also note we are in contact every day most of the day and we do have fun together. also after that dinner when the faked dumped him so he came over my house that night he made his pics private on the website when he went home?!?! is he just nervous to start a new relationship or to put all his eggs in one basket…OMG help.
My advice is to stick with the relationship but have a goal of understanding where he is at in regard to being committed to one another. I found your site and noticed this thread when doing some research on this very issue. com profile has been a sore spot off and on throughout our relationship.
We met on Match. com in January and met in person two months later. Before meeting in person, he asked if it was premature for him to take his profile down. He said he really liked me and was growing tired of online dating. I assured him that I liked him too but felt it was premature for me to take mine down before meeting in person.
I told him he could do what he wanted, but until we actually met I could not do that. After meeting in person, he asked me to be his lady and asked if we could leave Match. I assumed leaving Match meant that we would actually hide our profiles so that we would not come up in a search and that is what I did. I checked to see if he hid his profile some time later and not only was it still there, he was online when I checked.
I sent him a screen capture showing him online and asked him to explain because I thought we were exclusive. He said that he got an alert that he had a new message and so he was just responding to the email letting the person know that he was seeing someone and wanted to see how things would go with her.
And really, it just saves time. When we did have another conversation about it, he said that he had never taken his profile down. He always left it up whether he was in a relationship or not. He assured me that his subscription was going to expire soon and he would not be renewing and that he was only responding to email letting people know he was seeing someone.
He said he was not looking for someone else. Ok, so he has never taken his profile down and he did not want to do anything different because that is just him. I told him that what his visible profile said to me and everybody who saw it is that he is single, available, and looking for a date. To me, it is no different than sitting at the bar and having a sign that says just that. I painted him that picture too. I said what if we were sitting at the bar and you are wearing this sign, so women after women walk up to you to express their interest and you keep telling them that you are with me.
When to bring up exclusivity depends on the woman and your age. Over 40, there is no reason to hesitate on discussing this aspect of dating. If a man over 40 runs when you ask about exclusivity, good! When he suggests sex, and he will, you can handle that in a couple of ways. How you go about this is extremely important. So, choose your words carefully. Here are three options to try. This keeps the chase alive. If you try this, you have to be willing NOT to say another word until he speaks first.
If he suggests you both take your online dating profile down at this point — great! If he is quiet for a long time or stumbles awkwardly, he is likely undecided. In this case, stay true to yourself and your desire for monogamy. You are clarifying an intimacy boundary for him. However, avoid saying this on the first few dates because clients have told me some men say yes to exclusivity so they can sleep with you.
But then disappear anyway. This conversation only works after four or five dates, so the man has already shown consistent interest in you.
Whatever you do, do not ignore this. If you talk about monogamy and he continues to look online, be honest with yourself. The right man for you will not only accept exclusivity but will WANT you to be his one and only. Do NOT settle here or you are sure to end up broken-hearted. Great article indeed! This sets me thinking as I am currently single and am interested in my close guy friend whom I thought was interested in me as well.
He has just ended a relationship and is using a dating app and met someone new there too. Very confused now as I thought he likes spending time with me and sees me as a potential. Am feeling really sad too as im not sure what should be the next step to take. Hi Cressilda, Think about this with logic instead of feelings. Yet, at the same time he starts dating online.
Instead of healing from his broken relationship, he is looking for attention from more than one woman. My dating advice is to pull back and protect your heart. He needs time to regain his balance and you need to avoid being hurt by him during this process. I hope your friendship can be picked up again soon, depending on how hurt you feel and how considerate or thoughtless he is. He is divorced 5 years with three girls. He is 50 and in Switzerland, I am 61 and in the UK.
I am talking only to him for three weeks. Now he has invited me to visit him. He wants to meet first to see if he has fallen in love as he falls hard. My question is am I moving too fast?
Is he a player? Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Email Address. Home » communication skills in dating » My Boyfriend Still Has an Active Online Dating Profile! Leave a Comment Your email address will not be published. Subscribe to Blog via Email Email Address Subscribe. Tweets Tweets by lastfirstdate1.
Posted by Sandy Weiner in communication skills in dating , dating after divorce , red flags in relationships 0 comments.
Dear Sandy,. com, and I am upset and confused. I want to bring up that he is still online even though he says he wants to only date me. What does this mean? I want to be able to trust that he means what he says. How do I talk about the fact that my boyfriend still has an active online dating profile without turning him off? First, rest assured that at the start of a relationship, many people keep their profiles open and check incoming emails.
What about you? In this short conversation, you simply state how you feel about him without any false promises of the future , and you also let him know what you want from him. Be prepared for any response. You need to be clear about that before you have the conversation.
Remember that a guy may take longer to shut down his profile, even when you are exclusive. Be a woman of value who speaks up and knows her bottom line about how she wants to be treated. The right guy will step it up. The wrong one will walk away.
Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Email Address. Home » communication skills in dating » My Boyfriend Still Has an Active Online Dating Profile! Leave a Comment Your email address will not be published. Subscribe to Blog via Email Email Address Subscribe. Tweets Tweets by lastfirstdate1.
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· On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a · The primary reason to keep an online dating profile active is simple: the desire to meet people. Now there could be other reasons. Maybe he just likes having his ego stroked Because there is only two reasons why he is on there. To check for another girl, specifically or to see if she is available yet or has responded to him yet or to meet up with random girls. That's ... read more
Yet, at the same time he starts dating online. You are clarifying an intimacy boundary for him. jessica78 November 4, What do you do when the guy you have been dating for over four years still has an active match. You met a great guy and things seem to be going well. It sure is disturbing.I hate that also when hes really mad he calls me bad names. BEWARE of these people…there may be a few who are genuine…but. He is divorced 5 years with three girls, boyfriend keeps online dating. I really just wanna punch him the face!!! I never thought I could be so gullible, naive.